The New Patriarchy...and what they can do with it

Chetan Bhagat, by no means a great intellectual, seems to be on a quest to turn politician as soon as possible. To that end, apart from becoming a motivational speaker to the youth of the country, he writes simply egregious columns, trying to ingratiate himself across vote banks. Among the most annoying are his columns full of advice to men, in which he masquerades as a feminist while basically advising men to reinforce the status quo by disguising it as women's empowerment. While the ever-submissive Indian woman is supposed to look gratefully and adoringly at her man for being so egalitarian as to 'let' her take her time to drink the lukewarm tea or sit and press his feet after running around all day doing things that any self-respecting adult should object to having someone else doing for them - no, not in the 50 shades genre but more in the 'bringing up my baba' genre of wife-ing - putting away his clothes, dressing her child ( how come it's her child when there's work to be done? I bet it's his child when it does well in school!). While that may still spell liberation and egalitarianism to hordes of homemakers across the country - read the cringe-worthy comments on his post - it behooves CB to remember we are in 2017. Liberation and egalitarianism means that neither spouse is 'letting' the other do stuff, no one needs permission from each other if we're all adults in the relationship.

To that end, here's my version of Screw Letting her - Grow Up! ( Obvio, the comments in red are mine!)

*Let her take her time* Grow Up

When she takes her time to drink a barely warm cup of tea, let her. She's given her time to cook your meal and serve it to you before she sat to drink her tea. When she takes her time to drink a barely warm cup of tea, get up and warm it for her. Even better, help her cook and serve the meal so both of you can sit together.

When she takes time to select a dish from the menu, let her. Every day, for every meal she has prepared she has given her time to think about what to make, how much, and for whom. Instead of ‘letting’ her do this, discuss the menu as a family and come up with options so she doesn’t have to go through this annoying decision every day. Even better, learn to be unfussy and teach your kids the same so that no one cares what exact dish is on the table.

When she takes time to dress up to go out with you, let her. She has given her time to make sure that your ironed clothes are in their place and knows better than you,where your socks are. She has dressed up her child thoughtfully, to look like the most smartly dressed up child around. Grow up and be an adult who knows to put away his own ironed clothes and socks so she doesn’t have to pick up after you. Help get ‘your’ child ready – it’s not just hers, you know – thoughtfully, so he/ she is comfortable and sensibly dressed in his/ her clothes.

When she takes time to watch TV mindlessly, let her. After all, you do it too, or surf the net mindlessly. She is only half concentrating and has a clock ticking in her head. As soon as it's nearing dinner time, you'll see her disappear to get things ready. As soon as it’s nearing dinner time, get up and help her get things ready, or do it so she can continue to watch her show. Even better, order in so both of you can continue watching TV mindlessly.

When she takes time to serve you breakfast, let her. She has kept aside the burnt toast for herself and is taking the time to serve her family the nicest ones she could manage. When she takes time to serve you breakfast, learn to get up and pop a slice of bread in the toaster and teach your kids to do so, so she doesn’t have to do it all by herself. Do not let her eat any burnt toast but throw it away – no, it’s not appropriate to leave it for your domestic help either – and toast a fresh piece of bread. Even better, switch to poha/ dalia – they are healthier.

When she takes time after her tea to just sit by the window and stare into nothingness, let her. It's her life, she's given you countless hours of her life.Let her take a few minutes for herself. You said it. It’s her life. Why are you ‘letting’ her do any of this? She gets to decide whether or not to, she is an adult, you know!

She's rushing through her life, giving chunks of her time whenever needed, wherever needed. Don’t ask for chunks of her time where she is doing simple tasks that you should be perfectly capable for doing for yourself, as a functioning adult – putting away your things, sharing the housework and child rearing and so on. Don't rush her more than she rushes herself. Don't push her harder than she pushes herself. In fact, don’t push her at all, except when she needs that push. Instead, appreciate her for who she is – your equal (in your case, your superior, most likely)!

*Let her take her time* You are no one to ‘let’ her. Let it go!