Celebrating Women's Day

Every year Women’s Day comes around and never fails to irritate me. A flurry of ads from days before, offering discounts at salons, clothing boutiques and restaurants…this year there was even an ad from a hospital specializing in cosmetic surgery saying ‘Get the beauty you have always wanted’. A number of well meaning colleagues came up to wish me Happy Women’s Day, and sundry whatsapp messages, circulated by women added to the mawkishness of the occasion. Some people cut cakes to celebrate the occasion!

Let’s be clear, Women’s Day is not a celebration! The attached video gives the potted history of the day – essentially created to raise awareness about the lack of equality working women face, at work and at home. Be it in terms of pay for the same work, progress up the career ladder or a fair share of domestic chores, the balance is always tilted in favour of the male. For example, the entire class whatsapp group for my two younger kids is composed of women, my husband being the sole representative of the male gender! Studies show that Indian women spent 352 minutes a day on unpaid housework, while men spend a grand total of 19 minutes!!!  

Given that, it is egregious to find one’s inbox flooded with congratulatory messages and ads which, supposedly celebrating women’s day, are actually clueless about the struggle of an actual working woman – in India, many of them don’t even have a say in the spending of the income they earn. Women’s Day ‘celebrations’ tend to be patronizing, condescending and mostly fail to address real issues. I’m not sure if it’s because most leaders are male and thus it’s the male understanding of Woman’s Day and what women feel – mansplaining at its apogee. A patriarchy that tries to look benign on Women’s Day is still a patriarchy, just dressed up in sheep’s clothing for the day.

Many of the whatsapp messages circulated by women are equally irrelevant to the issue. In a congratulatory tone, many of them glorify the old tropes of women as the uncomplaining, self-sacrificing one who takes care of everyone except herself, presenting it as the model of womanhood. This notion of woman as superwoman is self-defeating in that it puts all the responsibility on the woman, and none at all on the rest of the stakeholders in society. It’s a great way to get women to stay within male-approved boundaries of agency and power, making them willing accomplices in their own imprisonment – ‘We are all just prisoners here of our own device”.

I understand that my rant is possibly not typical of the majority of women. I – like many of us pissed off by Women’s Day - was highly privileged in being brought up by parents who didn’t care about gender and were more invested in bringing up intelligent, strong and caring individuals. I had several role models in the women of the previous generations – be it aunts who were highly educated and lived independently and worked for a living, or grandmothers who adventurously toured the country on their own. There was very little apart from concern for our safety that made us conscious of our gender while growing up; our identity lay in our individual choices and preferences, abilities and skills.

However, our number is on the rise. Moreover, we are very vocal and have the ability to influence others. It’s time society’s stakeholders – employers, marketers, business and political leaders - stopped paying lip service to the notion of Women’s Day and did their bit to address the issues it is meant to highlight. Let’s bust the stereotypes of the abla naari, the self sacrificing doormat and the superwoman, and present women as they are, warts and beauty spots both included. Let’s talk about the issues, as employers and corporate leaders, teachers and students, female and male politicians. Let’s acknowledge that there is a huge distance to go and let’s start chalking out the way forward, on Women’s Day.  The day we actually achieve some of those critical milestones is the day we should ‘celebrate’ Women’s Day.